Ladies and Gentlemen, The Moslems Are Coming.

Very kicked to be on 'The Moslems Are Coming' blog tour, and in keeping with Optimum Blog Etiquette, I'm belting out a short, one-glance summary of my thoughts on Azad Essa's new book.

'Indian soldiers repeatedly mistook my good looks for that of a local Kashmiri.' Haha.

Angry Essa. Such an angry young man. The whole collection of essays in The Moslems reads in a vein of hello-there-irreverent-cynical-almost-rage. As a young Muslim woman, completely wrapped in the cocoon of ideal, romanticised, perfect Islam, and whining about how, 'No, no, this is not what Islam really is,' this read has been a refreshing smack in the jowls.

Sure there's a lot I disagree with [tone mostly: "My God, how can he say that?!!"], but really, one needed to step out of the easily-outraged mold one has been cast into. Enough of placing everything on a pedestal; let's talk smack at a lot of things, throw it open to criticism and mockery, as it were.

Once I got that into my system, it was smooth reading.

The Moslems is a collection of several of Azad's previously published and unpublished works, off his blog and umm, other places [yes, I've researched this really well], and is the Indian edition of his previously published Zuma's Bastards. It covers Azad's experiences with racism, Islamophobia, classism, hypocrisy and other relatively current affairs across the globe [the World Cup in SA, the Arab Spring. As a South African of Indian ethnicity, it was very interesting for me to read his take on Indians in South Africa and the social dynamics within that community, SA Indian Muslims and the diaspora there.

All the chapters in the book are not Moslems-Are-Coming!-related, don't worry. That's just a clever trick to get you to buy the book in the first place. [Aside: Love the cover.]

There's substantial bits on Africa-specific issues, its politics, its untold or severely under-reported horror, and about South Africa in particular, which I was previously clueless about. But, without getting too heavy to read/understand, Azad takes you on a lite-skim ride of his opinions on all these topics. I was lost amidst all the unfamilar names and places, but no so lost that I had to stop reading. [It was also slightly embarrassing that I had no clue about a very significant part of the world. NO CLUE.] 

What I enjoyed especially were Azad's scathing satire pieces, 'Shape without drape: Muslim fashion du jour' [on the burqa ban in France] and 'The brown woman's burden' [on the social dynamics among Indian men and women and the hypocritical racism towards black Africans over and above everything else]. Written in a deadpan tone of reportage, a lot of people actually think Azad's being serious whereas of course, if you have an iota of common sense, you can see what he's doing. [Refer: 'satire'.]

The first section of the book jumps right into the Islamophobia theme, and I found myself cringing, nodding my head and sighing along to various passages. In the burqa-ban satire piece, Azad's dislike of the burqa is made clear. Then again, that's not the point. Like he says: 'I don't like the burqa. Europe doesn't like the burqa. But so what?'

I liked the close to the section as well:

'In spite of being Muslim, and therefore naturally biased in any non-Muslim's eyes, I should be entitled to scream Islamophobia from the rooftops when I encounter it, and I should be able to talk about it in an open forum without sounding like an evil, brainwashed caricature from a bad movie throwing a jihadist tantrum.' 

Saheeh, bro. Just so.

And now we jump to my favourite section of the book, that pertaining to Kashmir. Remember, Azad is NOT Kashmiri. He is Indian by ethnicity, but really he's just South African. 

'I have no allegiance with a teenager made permanently blind from birdshot in Baramullah any more than I have with the ordinary office worker who gets blown up by a bunch of rabid jihadists while commuting in a packed train in Bombay. Likewise, I don't care for an illiterate father left humiliated in front of his sons as he awaits help to fill up an immigration form on a border crossing with any less intensity than for a half-widow in Anantnag, who must go on living in limbo, unsure if her husband would come back dead or alive, if ever.'

'India, Pakistan or Azadi?' is really the crux of the Kashmir 'issue' is it not? ~ No, it isn't because in Kashmir there will never be straightforward answers and I can give you three different replies to the same question on three different days. Well, sort of.

So, anyway. Azad has, as opposed to a lot of non-Kashmiris writing loud, very certain pieces about Kashmir, actually visited the place and written about some of his first-hand experiences there, and the opinions he has built therefrom. Now, any fella broadcasting the relatively unpalatable truths about Kashmir, so well-brushed-under the Indian mainstream media's rendering of the Kashmir narrative, is a friend of mine. I pat Azad on the back. I thank him. As a Kashmiri, this section of the book reads like the obvious truth all of us living here know, but for some strange, infuriating reason, no one in the outside world cares too much.

Azad writes about the questions of Kashmiri identity, how it was growing up there during the 'bad years', state high-handedness, well-documented reports of gross human rights violations, enforced disappearances, legal impunity, and the new generation of Kashmiris that are slowly gearing up to use new media as a tool to open the world's eyes to what Kashmir is all about. He touches upon the Bollywood Kashmir depiction, which all of us [Kashmiris] roll our eyes at. The chapter on cricket bats and Kashmiri willows is interesting, especially seeing as how politics plays a part there as well. Am pretty certain the chapter on Kashmiri Pandits will not go down well with most Indian readers. Okay, the WHOLE section will not go down well in that corner. 

[Aside: As a true blue Kashmiri, I was lapping up all experiences from his essays on the Arab Spring, and applying to the situation in Kashmir. * REVOLUTION! PEOPLE POWER!* Because we do shit like that. Everything can be made Kashmir-specific.]

I really enjoyed The Moslems Are Coming as a pacy read covering a range of topics that interested me, and that I could relate to: Islam[ophobia], racism, hypocrisy, power politics, Kashmir, India, Palestine-Israel, Bollywood, cricket, the World Cup.

Azad's angry, rambling, acerbic style takes getting used to [which, when done by Page 4, makes the rest of the reading easier.] Once I had pinpointed the tone of the book, it was on to enjoying the pieces for their individual merit.

This is not a feel-good book, for rainy afternoons, a quilt and coffee and marshmallows for accompaniment. It makes you uncomfortable, it addresses issues you've all probably thought about more than once, and it certainly makes no bones about highlighting certain things and people and situations as they are. 'Warts and all' is what you'll get. 

I took into account Azad's hyperbole and OTT-isms because there's some of that as well. And at times my hands would rush to my blushing cheeks, thinking: "Mein Gott. He uses the f-word! He said 'whore'. And 'penis'. And 'other things! AAAIIEEE!" [Okay, not really. I don't blush while reading.] 

PS: This post was really not as short as it was meant to be.
PPS: Azad, when are you signing my book?

The Hate Brigade

"Don't you just love it when 'Anonymous' comes into your life and pees in a corner of the room?"
This is something I happened to ask Good Gawde after a nonsense person left a rude comment on one of his posts. What is up with that? It was a charming post, I thought personally. Amusing, sarky, serious and informative in the right proportions. *applause*

Once upon a time I posted a harmless home video of the tragicomic reaction of my family minutes after Pak's 'Misbah 5 Runs' loss to India at the first T20 World Cup, on YouTube. Shockingly got lots of hits and even more shockingly started a war of words (and not very kind words) on the India-Pakistan-Kashmir situation. I tried replying reasonably for a longish time and deleted most of the obscene stuff coming in. So many kind suggestions from Indians for me and all bloody Kashmiris to go 'back' to Pakistan (obviously on foot, and not in the sense that Kashmir should go to Pakistan), Pakistani friends effing and $%#%#-ing Indian counterparts in equal measure, religious extemporising, Islam-Terror-Jihad allusions etc. Lots and lots of pleasant stuff like that. Then, wonder of wonders, one day I found the 'Disable Comments' option and life was so much simpler after!

I can understand not liking something someone has written or an opinion expressed, but wherefore the rudeness and getting personal and juvenile arguments that follow? Take any YouTube video and chances are you'll spot some loser saying something really nasty in the comments. Here's what amazes me: What a shit load of time people must have to post comments on random sites and pick fights with strangers who then also get involved with their hearts and souls. Entertaining actually if it wasn't so annoying.
I hate rude people. Just saying.

Sri Lankan players injured

Profiles of...
(from BBC)

Lahore Attack on Sri Lankan Team

What the...? Of all the sports teams in the world, Sri Lanka's cricket team is probably the nicest bunch and this makes Lahore's senseless attack all the more disturbing.
Which is not to say I would be celebrating if the Aussies were the target. Just adds to the incredulity of this whole mess.
Very Munich, which mixes someting clean like sports with mindless, dirty politics.As usual, the BBC gives the most comprehensive coverage. Read here.

My pick of the quotes in the aftermath of said incident:
South Africa captain Graeme Smith: "The word 'tragedy' is often used to describe a setback on a sporting field but this is a real tragedy. It is a tragedy for all the people of Pakistan and Sri Lanka, it is a tragedy for cricket and it is a tragedy for all decent people."
That's all.

Nice blog post on The Dawn's website here.
Comments below blog were all sensible, mature and sincere. Very, very strange and heartening to see.

Pakistan, India, Kashmir, Elections, Nonsense and other things.

Important opinions I have on various subjects which the world just can't do without. In no particular order then:
1. Elections over in Kashmir, and I fail to understand why India is turning cartwheels with elation. To see the turnout in the state elctions as a thumping acceptance of India is oh-so-naive. To make it very clear to the general public, here's Kashmiri sentiment in a simple line: Not pro-India, not pro-Pakistan, very pro-autonomy/independence. As was the case many happy years ago when we had our own national anthem, flag, peace and no nonsense about 'my religion vs. yours' doing the rounds. Elections have done nothing to change that feeling. [NDTV has taken a great spin on it with its 'separatism' vs. 'separatists' line. I find it infinitely amusing to watch non-Kashmiris take stances on the situish in Kashmir as if owning the place was a birthright and the preference of the Kashmiri people was a trifle that could be ignored. This cuts across both borders.] What we say is, "Excuse me, if you aren't Kashmiri, stop speaking." C'est ridicule, non? (Ooh. Except if you agree with us.:)
People came out in healthy numbers to vote this time because they want to live under some sort of clean, organised governance. So the idea was, vote for your own people to form an efficient administration. If they didn't vote they'd get a few more years of no basic amenities: 'bijli, sadak, pani' and schools. Education and everything else here still is in pretty bad shape but whatever little there is of it seems to have opened the eyes of the general public some. In any case, this was the first time I have been witness to so much brouhaha over elections in my lifetime. Even kids here were so into it. Folks took the day off and travelled across the state to wherever they were on the voters list. Everyone voted. Not me though. :( I didn't know which voter list I was on. InshaAllah, next time.
2. Pakistan is being silly with its denial post 26/11. It almost verges on ridiculous when it claims to not have any knowledge of unappetising activities in its territory. (I mean, I'm Kashmiri. I KNOW. *rolls eyes*) Sure Pakistan is also the victim of terrorist acts every now and then, but the fact of the matter is, when have the terrorists ever turned out to be from India? They're homegrown mostly. So stop pointing the finger back at India as defense. It's stupid. Poor folks of Pakistan. Are you embarassed by your government? I am. And why is taht Zardadri dude always grinning so scarily? Is he blotto all the time? The rest of the suits are all glum and solemn-looking and he's beaming like glare off the snow.
3. Then. Kashmir on its own: It disturbs me so much to see the moral fibre completely missing in an entire generation of our people, and its trickle-down effect across the state. I speak mostly of the previous generation, my parents' time. These are the folks who have had the reigns of government in Kashmir for the past few decades and the level of corruption, thievery, dishonesty and laziness in-built into the 'system' is astounding. The amount of money that has gone into the pockets of a very few (who then build big mansions in Jammu or Srinagar) while the rest of the people languish in poverty, unemployment and helplessness is very shameful. I know a lot of these peeps myself. My extended family is filled with them. It's taken as a matter of course here this dirty way of life and to try and get something done the straight way, through rules and regulations and processes is almost a joke. We come back to morals, ethics and a sense of right and wrong, and it's clearly missing here. The fear going ahead is that these rich buggers who have the reign of administration in their filthy hands have now passed on the same spineless character and way-of-life to their spoilt young kids, who will also eventually end up inheriting their parents' prestigious posts in government. It's an ugly cycle. On the other hand, I see many young, poor, hard-working kids who seem to have got it right and are making things happen on their own merit. Will this blessed lot be able to do any good? Or will they not be able to get that foot in the door because they don't happen to know the right people. Bleak, I say. I am so glad my folks and us lived in Dubai for a very long time and were not privy to this sickness. We have a nice house, and we've built it on purely halal money. Yay.

4. More on Kashmir. The primarily Islamic nature of life and our culture and how I have witnessed its revival in the past two decades. Say what you will about militancy and the 'Kashmir issue', if nothing else, Islam has started coming back to the people. Going back to the useless previous generation, it's quite clear that they had lost their Imaan in overwhelming form. Whereas, in the past 20 or so years, most everyone, especially the younger lot, have taken a shine to religion again. I can see this in my own family and in my town and village. (This is possibly true of non-Muslims in the region as well but I can't be a reliable source.) Anyway, it's a good thing. I mean, we'll have our fanatics and hardcore religious-pokey-noses, but for the most part, it's worth it. Ignore the small section of nuts and look at the bigger picture.

What am I going on about? Ranting to continue at a later time and place. Am tired.

Mumbai: 26/11

Arundhati Roy with another gripping read: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/dec/12/mumbai-arundhati-roy. (Thanks for the link, Sir Fahad.)
Ms Roy mentions something that hit me and my folks here in Kashmir during the long hours we followed the TV broadcasts. Here's an excerpt:
"Over three days and three nights we watched in disbelief as a small group of very young men armed with guns and gadgets exposed the powerlessness of the police, the elite National Security Guard and the marine commandos of this supposedly mighty, nuclear-powered nation. While they did this they indiscriminately massacred unarmed people, in railway stations, hospitals and luxury hotels, unmindful of their class, caste, religion or nationality. (Part of the helplessness of the security forces had to do with having to worry about hostages. In other situations, in Kashmir for example, their tactics are not so sensitive. Whole buildings are blown up. Human shields are used. The U.S and Israeli armies don't hesitate to send cruise missiles into buildings and drop daisy cutters on wedding parties in Palestine, Iraq and Afghanistan.) But this was different. And it was on TV."

Exactly. This sort of an 'encounter' would be over in half a day here in Kashmir. Hostages/civilians be damned. Blow up the damn block if you must. But it's easier to just set the building on fire, if you ask me. Okay, let's do that.
Then. Ms Roy makes a mention of one Arnab Goswami, which was a pleasant surprise in a bitter sort of way. This man has infuriated me from the time he's been given that front-runner role for TIMES NOW. (Blehh.) Frothing and foaming at the mouth any time there's a big, dramatic news incident. Check him out in any of TIMES NOW's news broadcasts of a terror attack or a kid stuck in a well, or when interviewing a subject he doesn't like. I've seen him go into scary, straining falsettos of diatribe when he's primed for it. And spouting personal opinion instead of reporting objectively. Well done, Goswami. Where did you learn journalism?

Oh. My. God.

Inna lillaahi wa inna ilaihi raaji'un.
"We are from Allah and to Him we are returning."


Benazir Bhutto (21 June, 1953 - 27 December, 2007)

I may not have repected her politics, but I did admire her as a woman and for being able to carry off the 'female leader in Pakistan' tag with such aplomb. In retrospect, I don't much care for all the bad she and her hubby might have done. What do I know?
I am deeply, deeply disturbed by Benazir's passing. She was a big part of my wonder years [mostly through the media and a little through our Paki friends]. And in Dubai, she was always big news along with Lady Di and Charles. This is just tragic.
Rest in peace, you charismatic minx.
What's going to be the fallout in troubled Pakistan now? Fingers are already pointed at Busharraf but come on, that would be too obvious, wouldn't it? No to Nawaz! He's a true creep. I want my Paki readers to let us in on the lowdown. What, or rather, who next? Mr Kinks?

The Myth of Muslim Condemnation of Terror

by Eteraz Ali

Muslims Against Terrorism

And interesting reads on that: Here

Hyderabad Horror, about

I have nothing new to say. God rest the souls of the innocents who died again.
Just wanted to drop in a link here to a nice article I found while reading up on the blasts. This article was written after the Mecca Masjid blasts back in May.
If only, Mr Bobby Ramakanant.

Within minutes of the incidents, the internet was seething with anti-Islamic diatribe, spurred on by a helpful media with their easy use of incorrect-but-easy-on-the-tongue contemporary slang: Islamic terrorism [what???], jehadi/Islamist groups, Muslim terrorists etc ad nauseum.

It pains one. That's all.

Shame...

Outrage. Disgrace. Shame!
Shame on the MIM and a louder, stronger shout-out to the media to perhaps feel some of that shame themselves for once again giving the proceedings a tainted religious hue. [I will explain. This is a long, bilious post.]

Yesterday's nauseating events at the Press Club of Hyderabad during the release of Taslima Nasrin's works in Telugu [who cares what, really] did two things.
One, it reiterated to the whole world that, "Look here, this is what we were saying all along. These Muslims are unbelievable. They really are taking things too far."
Two, it played right into the hands of a constantly-waiting, uneducated media, frothing at the mouth for more dirt on a faith known as Islam. All because a handful of very deluded, unlearned men, ranting and raving like so many Nazi Skinheads or Bajrang Dal activists, claimed their incontrollable outrage in the name of all Muslims. And the ravenous media lapped it up, using allllll the cliches and stereotypes one now expects when anything Islam-bash-worthy happens. *makes violent retching noise*

The facts:
1. Taslima Nasrin was invited to release the translations of her works in Hyderabad.
2. She did so.
3. There was no outrageous attack on Islam, no inflammatory speech and no reading of any derogatory material from her books [if indeed her books have such content].
4. After the event wound to a close, some men[led by our well-chosen, popularly elected, esteemed MLAs] broke into the venue and started their shameful, uncouth, violent histrionics. To wit, a group of full-grown men went berserk and started throwing various items- bouquets, flower pots, even chairs were attempted- at a defenseless Taslima and an oldish man who was visibly hurt during the hurly-burly, bravely standing shield between the deranged macho men and their intended victim. There was no incitement, there was nothing that could have sparked the Fire of Fury in the attackers.
5. Live footage of the attack is really embarrassing to watch - poor, sulky Taslima and poor, brave old man.
6. The mental mob then lay down its credentials: they represented "all of the 20 crore Muslims in India" according to an MP of the Majlis-e-Ittehadul Muslimeen (MIM), Asaduddin Owaisi, an abomination I saw for the first time yesterday. [Enjoy your moment in the limelight, you horrific blight to humanity.]
7. This self-same Owaisi was then seen on all news channels staunchly defending and praising the attackers, and once more *cringe*cringe*cringe* bringing in 'Islam' and 'Muslims' into all of the ugliness.

The Outrage and Opinion:
To Owaisi: You b@##$%#! Isn't it enough the whole world is having a ball at the expense of our religion already? Must you paint your perversions with the brush of Islam? No, you do not represent us, the 20 crore Muslims in India. No, it doesn't make a difference that Taslima Nasrin is not Indian, that she's in exile, that you feel she's a disgrace to Islam because she doesn't like following it, that she writes about things that are hard for you to stomach. She might have been a Puerto Rican nun for all we care - the fact remains that this was a lady whom you let loose on, unprovoked and in the most abominable manner. And then you justify your actions under the banner of Islam. Aaarrrggghhhhhh.

To the media: Have a care, journos. A little homework never harmed anyone, si? Here are some basic goof-ups and incorrect stereotyping that you've perfected to an art.
Lesson 1: Fatwa= opinion [NOT as is widely and popularly accepted, 'death sentence'].
Lesson 2: Islam = NOT a religion that preaches terror/violence. Root word 'Salaam' viz. 'peace' [as in Salaam alaikum]. Even if one did not give you the meaning of the Arabic root, one could hope that a basic respect be given to all world religions and it be quite understood that no faith preaches violence, killing, atrocity or wrong-doing. Why must you then repeatedly and wrongly use terms like Islamists/Islamic fundamentalists/Jihadis/mullahs/ Muslim extremists etc?
Lesson 3: Jehad/Jihad = To strive/struggle in the cause of God. It does not mean 'Holy War' or 'justified killing'. Don't use it alllll the time.
Lesson 4: Jehadis and terrorists are not interchangeable terms, thank you. If I strive to overcome some evil in myself, say trying to stop lying, I am a jehadi. Ergo, jehadi is not equal to terrorist. Simple, ja?
Lesson 5: Haraam= Absolutely, totally not allowed. Drinking alcohol is haraam. Suicide is haraam. Killing the blameless aged, women, children or any innocent person is haraam. Make of 9/11 and every other incident we hear of in Iraq nowadays what you will, those men can't claim to be Muslims. [My opinion, remember.]
Lesson 6: Muslims all over the world [I'm talking educated, civilized, real Muslims who have some knowledge of the Qur'an and Sunnah- not brainwashed illiterates, paid part-timers and chest-beating frenzied men who don't know better] hate what is happening to the name of Islam today. The media has never ever shown this overwhelming point of view. What with your minute-by-minute opinion polls, your wide-ranging documentaries, your impassioned lambasting of the horrors of terrorism, how come it never ever comes across that you BELIEVE that Muslims globally abhor the actions of terrorists, suicide bombers, spies, smugglers, underworld dons and the whole smorgasbord of evil that is now irrevocably connected with Islam? We don't like it either, get it? The few hundreds (or thousands) committing atrocities must never be assumed to be representative of the whole. How about you convey that repeatedly?

Another point:
Noted Muslim celebrities in India gave sound bytes yesterday (at least) expressing their disgust: Javed Akhtar [brilliant as always], Shabana Azmi [ho hum], Nafisa Ali. Ask me, a well-known scholar, a qualified mufti would be a more suitable mouthpiece for expressing Muslim outrage than fillum-ishtaars or Page 3 personalities , who, let's face it, aren't very strong in practice.
Unfortunately, we never see the established Islamic authorities/the educated ullema speak up against such outrages. This is a worm that has eaten across all the Muslim/Arab world. Be it Palestine, Afghanistan, Iraq, terrorism, the governments of all Muslim nations continue to sit mum and twiddle their thumbs, doing nothing. PATHETIC.

Some background to the whole brouhaha:
1. Ms. Nasrin is in India, exiled from her homeland Bangladesh on account of some old men feeling strongly that her book, Lajja, was insulting to Islam, Muslims, the Prophet (Peace be upon him) and thereafter issuing fatwas (Remember! 'Opinion'), death threats and pronouncements in the name of an aggrieved religion.
2. Lajja is none of the above. I have read, or rather, tried reading it. It was quite a pain to get through even the first few chapters and is one of the very few books I have left unfinished. Not because I was offended by the content but because I was bored to tears by it. According to me it was not a good book simply because in very long, excruciating portions it read more like a report on damages caused during the Bangla riots, and the mention of random names and unknown places for pages together failed to grip me. There was an attempted storyline in there somewhere but I lost the threads of that amid all the name-dropping.
3. I feel very strongly that the people who issued the fatwa haven't actually read the substandard book.
4. The book doesn't have anything anti-Islamic in it per se, it is just an account of the maltreatment of the minority Hindu population in Bangladesh during the riots that ensued post the destruction of the Babri Masjid in India [Whole new can of worms. I shan't even go there]. It so happened that the tormentors were the majority Bangla Muslim populace. What is so unbelievable about that?
5. As in all riot scenarios, the weak are always victimised, abused and in general, teated in such a way that 'majority' and 'minority' have no meaning anymore, the only thing that matters to anyone who can see is 'humanity'. Or rather, the lack of it.
6. Nasrin's book just put together many instances where people went rampaging, killing, raping in the name of their religion. Wronging others. Again in the name of their religion. These malefactors happened to be so-called Muslims. In the same way that when the Gujarat riots happened, the aggressors happened to be Hindus. And in the same way that the good old Serbian ethnic cleansers [I'm talking Bosnia] happened to be Orthodox Christians.
My point is that evil does not belong to any faith or religion. Tyrants, terrorists, reprobate persons cannot lay claim to any faith in the midst of their heinous actions.


Oh, look at me, I'm as bloody boring as Taslima's book. Enough. I am done.