I, Kashmiri

Hindustan Times kindly asked me to write a personal opinion piece on Kashmir. It was published on Sunday, September 11 (!!!), 2010.
Most of you've read it. Here's the link for the rest.

[Awesome comments of course. :) Like 'leave Kashmir' suggestion. Read for amusement.]

PS: This is not the personal blog post on Kashmir I had talked about earlier ['Kashmir, Let's Talk']. That's going to be much lengthier, more detailed and with no real structure as such. I'll try and address all comments as well. Coming up...

Kashmir. Let's Talk.

[EDIT : Waiting esp. for response to Point 4. Please contact. Thanks.]















So... The 'situation' in J&K has gone from bad to obscenely terrible in a period of two months. Death toll of unarmed protesters nearing 60 (or has it crossed already?), most victims of bullet shots from the CRPF and other 'security forces'- above the waist, below the damn waist, who cares. Not a single tangible action from the State/Indian Govt to admit the wrongness of what has occurred. No restraint orders, no pulling up of guilty personnel, no apology to the people even? Oh, hang on, sorry. We have to wait about 20 years for an apology or anything like it.

Anyway, am planning a big post on my take on Kashmir.

Off the top of my head, I'll get into the following: [EDIT: Below points are a way ahead. How the problem ought to be solved. The detailed post will make clearer where I'm coming from.]
1. Kashmir is a political problem, NOT a religious one.
2. Unfortunately, a lot of people (who make the most noise as well) WILL make it a religious issue.
3. Is this communalising of Kashmir its biggest tragedy? Yes. Thank you, Britain, for the Partition and the never-ending mess you unleashed. (Let's blame them!)
4. I am really, really interested in talking with with serious, level-headed, non-combative Kashmiri Pandits - about everything. Get in touch with me, please?
5. Kashmir cannot be compared to Indian states, because it is a completely unique issue.
6. Non-Kashmiris who have not lived here REALLY have no idea, as well-intentioned as you may be.
7. Elections: 60% voter turnout in recent elections does NOT indicate acceptance of  Indian statehood. Ugh. Ask me, I voted. And now my neighbourhood has good roads, yay. How about this: people need a local administration to run things well for a change - that's schools, colleges, hospitals, roads, electricity, water and what have you.
8. Plebiscite? Where is it? Oh, yes.
9. YOUTH: Get together. Sanely. Please. So far, everyone's made a mess of things. Let's get organised and talk.



Incidentally, here's one book I read years ago: Tavleen Singh's 'Kashmir: A Tragedy of Errors'. Can't comment on it intelligently, I was too young to critique. All I remember is it was interesting.
Here's Vinayak Razdan's take on the book. (His blog is much too interesting, I say. Recommended.)

Oh, one more thing about the Kashmir problem: Books won't help much.

Help Pakistan Relief Ops

"Sorry for the late," as Pakistai actor Nadeem said in some bad movie, but here's a compendium of links for helping with the Pakistan flood relief efforts.
Please assist in whichever way you can by visiting this page.

It's been an over-busy month (natural disaster-wise) with the Leh tragedy, the China landslides and now Pakistan's increasing grief. The worst bit is the very lackadaisical global aid response to #pkfloods. The scale of human tragedy notwithstanding, people just aren't moving fast enough to help in this case.
As per Lyse Doucet of BBC World News: Pakistan relief official puts it like this." '05 earthquake affected 3.2mn, 1mn tents distributed. #pkfloods 12+ mn, 100,000 tents." (sic)

Boston Big Picture gallery here (above pic from that gallery- as brilliant as it is horrifying).

GiveIndia - Leh Relief

People living anywhere in the world can reach out and help the victims of the Leh floods through GiveIndia - a secure online donation website. Here's the link.

Help in Leh

Pic and back story here.

 

For all those of you who have just chanced upon this site, and would like to help in the Leh relief operations, here are bank details you can use.

Beneficiary Name : Flood Relief Fund AMI Leh
Account Number : 0069040100027906
Account type : Savings
Bank Name : The Jammu & Kashmir Bank Ltd.

Branch : Leh – Main
IFSC Code : JAKA0PRIEST

The Rotary International is also assisting in relief operations. Leh's Rotary Club falls under District 3070. RI Distt 3070 can be contacted via their egroup on Yahoo.

The Rotary District 3070 eGroup is moderated by Rtn DGN Upkar Singh Sethi of Rotary Club Amritsar South and can be reached at upkarsinghsethi@yahoo.com.

Yeah, We Page 6 Types...

Hahahahhaahaaa.

Meaning, BB, friends and I went to friend's awesome restaurant Olio (highly recommended by the way) in Koramangala, Bangalore, the other day and this is what happened...

Yusss. We got featured in one publication which probably no one reads, and we were on Page 6. The horror and cheap thrill of it all was too much. *fist pump*

Please note my awesome tee, custom made in Ladakh to signify that BB and I rode Enfields on our recent trip. BB has a similarly awesome one, but in a different colour.

Just so you know, BB saved a copy of the paper, and so did I. I specifically asked for it at BB's hotel lobby. We will now show it to everyone we know and STILL attempt nonchalance.

It's Been a While

And it'll be a little more, even.

Verrrry busy past couple of months with the school, travelling back and forth between the village and Jammu and doing this, that and the other.
RECAP:
Haji Public School's first Annual Day was held in May. Great times! The kids & teachers were prepared with song and dance routines, a darling play (Doctor-Doctor) and general showcasing of talents. My pick of the lot: Kids singing folk song "Surayya teri suit ne bigaadi duniyaaaa," a philosophical life-lesson in comic verse. Hilarious. Also a little prize-giving ceremony for the bright sparks of the school.
(Click on pics to enlarge.)
 

After that trip, it was more running around headless chicken-esque, getting together a Rotary Club in Doda. With help from the awesome Rotarian Adeep Singh in Jammu, we received our official Rotary Charter on May 17, 2010. I am now Rotary President, ha ha. (That's right. It's all about ME.)
Lots of prepping and preening required as a Rotary Club. Also attending meetings and conferences, creating PPTs and talking through them... things I've always LOVED doing. Not.
Anyway. It's a good thing. We can take our school much further this way. And do tonnes of other stuff. God knows tonnes of other stuff needs doing in our rag-tag Doda District - home of the extremely jobless, hay-chewing, laid-back, gossipy mountain peeps who are glad to fill their own pockets regardless of right or wrong, morals or ethics. *snarl*

Wow. Where did that come from?

Anyway. June was a fun month. I hosted my first CouchSurfing acquaintance, Miss Beata Labikova, who also became Haji Public School's first ever teaching volunteer. What an experience. First time toilet paper has ever reached our little village Breswana. :)
Bea is a young scholarship student in Canada, majoring in... wait for it.... Jazz! Yes, and she's doing another academic major as well, which makes her life slightly busier than mine. I found out Bea has no concept of meal times because of her crazy schedule back home. Our Kashmiri peculiarity of four full meals a day came as a shock, and eventual bowel trouble, for her. Oh, the memories.
Bea was a treat to host. Completely no-fuss, low-maintenance, easy-going and a great traveller. Getting to our village and doing the rigorous uphill and downhill stretches, not to mention the long hours of road travel, is not exactly easy for a city slicker. But Bea was not that. She had a pretty good time of it, while I was on a "show off your culture and village" spree for a fortnight. I anointed Bea my offical guinea pig, experimenting on her for future volunteers' stints and used her as a bouncing board for ideas and feedback, especially keeping foreign travellers in mind.
Since she had a relatively short stay in Breswana, Bea did a brief intro session with the kids, talked to them about herself and gave a little presentation on Canada. Over the week she was with us at school she did painting sessions with the kids, a little arts and craft, singing, taught them Hang Man, gifted them stationery, and most fun of all: brought out bubble makers! What larks, Pip, what larks! Forget about the shrimps, we had a pretty good time ourselves. :)

Before Breswana we took Bea to Kishtwar, where she enjoyed traipsing through Chaugan and clicking pics of its trademark donkeys (pronounced 'dunkies' in the real Pahadi accent). Stayed at our khaala's place where we taught Bea the intricacies of a game called 'kirket'.

After the village trip, on our way back, we had to take a bizarre detour to the police station in Doda (escorted by men in uniforms), where the cops 'verified' Bea's authenticity by checking her FB profile. Nyaahahahahahaaa. I.Kid. You. Not. It was hilarious. :)

Overall, great experience.
Note to Next Volunteer: The bar has been set pretty high. You have a class act to follow.

That was May and June. This week it's been paperwork madness, getting together stuff for the Rotary. Rotary Doda is organising a free medical camp in Doda on July 17th and 18h, BTW. And tomorrow onwards, I leave for a month of travelling.

First to Doda to organise the Med Camp.

And then........ *drumroll* ZANSKAR and LEH!!!  Where we have to buy horses to take back home. And in Leh it's reunion time with girlfriends from Down South in Hindoostan. Also, BB the Insane joins us on these mad travels. What excitement I say. :)

Crap. Is that the time? Must pack. Later, all. (Much later.)

So foul and fair a day I have not seen...

Strange weather in Jammu recently.

The day turned dark. Afternoon was night. Had to turn on all the lights to see anything. Plus it was muggy, a bizarre reddish sky was playing to the soundtrack of distant thunder and strong winds.

Very Macbeth, I thought. Relevant excerpts showcasing my C&P skills:

LENNOX
The night has been unruly: where we lay,
Our chimneys were blown down; and, as they say,
Lamentings heard i' the air; strange screams of death,
And prophesying with accents terrible
Of dire combustion and confused events
New hatch'd to the woeful time: the obscure bird
Clamour'd the livelong night: some say, the earth
Was feverous and did shake.
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SCENE IV. Outside Macbeth's castle.


ROSS
Ah, good father,
Thou seest, the heavens, as troubled with man's act,
Threaten his bloody stage: by the clock, 'tis day,
And yet dark night strangles the travelling lamp:
Is't night's predominance, or the day's shame,
That darkness does the face of earth entomb,
When living light should kiss it?
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Yes. Shakespeare was quite nuts.

Votes and Books

Allors. There's an ego-balm website called BlogInterviewer.com that apparently interviews any ol' blogger. Which explains why I was dropped a line and subsequently got to fill in my first interview.
And so, this gives you, all three of my readers, the chance to vote for me on said site.

Here's a pretty button to help you further. Click on it, it'll take you to the voting site. Blue button there which says 'Vote'.

This is where the link goes, if you're not into buttons. Click tiny blue 'Vote' button, yes? Even if you don't really want to. I mean, it's only a few seconds.


In other news, I have finished reading The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak, which was very nice, particularly in that I learnt some useful, daily-use German cuss words. No, no, it was really good. Left me teary-eyed at the end even, and when Death is the narrator, the read can only be interesting. I recommend.
Then my sister had left over her Flights of Love, by Bernhard Schlink (author of The Reader). It's a collection of stories set in Germany around the 'Wall' era. May I just say one thing: YUCK. What a bloody waste of my time. Nothing appealing about either of the stories I have read so far, and this is one of those rare books I will not complete. I'll say it again: YUCK. Stay away.
Finished reading 'Cujo' just a couple of days ago. One of the few Stephen King novels I hadn't yet read. Whatte! Forget your soppy 'Beethoven' movies, this book takes a gigantic Saint Bernard, gives him rabies and then watches the mayhem that follows in a small town in Maine. (Where else?) As always, there's the ever-present psychological horror, a running commentary of the madness that we all have inside our heads. There's also an adorable toddler thrown into the thick of things for gripping the reader like anything. I love Stephen King. I love his writing. I love his weirdness. (Just you see his hair style.) I am terrified of how he takes the everyday and turns it into your worst fear come true. *applause*. Anyway, do read.
Now am on to Stones into Schools: Promoting Peace with Books, Not Bombs, in Afghanistan and Pakistan, the follow up to 'Three Cups of Tea' by Greg Mortenson. Let's hope this is better than the first. Interesting as they both have to be, a book must be well written, which the first wasn't.

Okay. Got to run now. That's all.

I Need a Bookshelf

Because it has now to come to this.
Stockpiling books on my bedside table is just not cute any more, especially since I knock them down every day.

No place on the table, that's choked up.

The cupboard is pretty packed as well.

Let us now head to the other bedside table. No. No hope there either.

One tiny bookshelf provided in a corner of a corner... How much can this guy do? Moving on.

It is but obvious that this bare wall now deserves rows and rows of dark wood shelves, one below the other etc. to serve as guest rooms for my books. It is the only Hope left....

My Favourite Qur'an Interpretation...

When I left Dubai way back in 1997, my parents gifted me a travel-sized paperback Qur'an Sharif. I loved it,was smitten with it from the beginning, and this has been the book I've read and reread most often in my life. It was Abdullah Yusuf Ali's 'The Meaning of The Holy Qur'an', and it was smart, practical, pretty on the outside and utterly fantastic on the inside. Unlike the other bland translations of the Qur'an I'd been reading all my life, this interpretation by Abdullah Yusuf Ali was completely satisfying. A pure translation of Arabic into English is impossible - the attempts are frustrating to say the least (this holds true for Farsi or Urdu to English as well).

So, we're talking:
a. The Arabic language - beautiful, poetic, melodious, complex
b. At its most perfect (since it is the Word of God Himself)
c. In a cover-to-cover text that has remained entirely unchanged since the 6th Century A.D.
d. Which is one of the most integral pillars of the Islamic faith and all Muslims
e. And a guide book for Life, from 6 A.D. on till forever and ever, Amen.

That there is no real translation of the Holy Qur'an, that it cannot be done, is understood. Man can only attempt an interpretation of the God's Own Words, and literally changing Arabic words into English ones just isn't going to cut it.
Which is why Abdullah Yusuf Ali, with his poetry, his grace and his intelligence, has done the impossible and rendered a 'meaning' of the Holy Qur'an which feels right. In reading and understanding this interpretation, Ali's beautiful, lyrical explanation of the verses fits in very nicely with the accompanying Arabic original. The original Qur'anic verses have an incomparable beauty, rhythm and feel which are inbuilt. To translate this into a language like English, and to do it so well, is a piece of mastery that has millions of readers like me thanking God for one Mr A.Yusuf Ali and his hard work and his big scholarly brain.
I love Ali's Introduction in verse, his preface, the conclusion, the fantastic footnotes (with quotes from Shakespeare etc. :). In short, it is a wonderful!
If you want a proper English 'translations' or rather 'interpretation' of the Qur'an, this is the one to have. That's all.

'Three Cups of Tea' is...

...before anything else, a New York Times Bestseller. So. Taking our cue from there...

Three Cups of Tea is Greg Mortenson's story (Greg Mortenson being the man behind Central Asia Institute- CAI) told badly with the help of David Oliver Relin.

It could have been a great book, because the story behind it is incredible. But it isn't.
And here, to tell you in her own hilarious words, is Lisa M and her review of 'Three Cups of Tea'.
I agree with everything Lisa said in her review (from 2008), and had a few more grouses with the proofing and glaringly inaccurate facts in parts of the book (for instance: In one anecdote, Relin repeatedly uses the word 'shalwar' when he is clearly talking about Mortenson's kameez. Very annoying as a reader. Makes you think is this book researched enough? Do the writers know what they are talking about?). Overall disturbing to read such a high profile title with simple mistakes. Makes one feel like we're being fed lines....
Anyway.
Some of my comments on the book:
I’m working with setting up schools in remote villages in Jammu & Kashmir myself, so I thought this book would be helpful in sorting out actual on-the-ground problems I come across (like how to go about proper documentation, registration with notoriously corrupt govt officials and bureaucratic departments, how to get good teachers to work and STAY in remote areas, duh, then supervise them, check the quality of teaching intermittently etc.) but nothing of the sort. The way Relin tells the story it was pretty smooth sailing for Greg like “I’m American so I can get airlifts from the Army” and instead of the actual schools and what went on in there, it was more about constructing buildings. I have set up three schools in remote villages, and believe me, getting rooms or a building is the least of one’s worries.
I was gifted ‘Three Cups’ by a dear friend and was pretty keen on it until I reached about one-third and was like, “Errr. Wait a minute. We have been had.” :)


(If you want to buy the book online in India, I'd recommend Flipkart any day. Here's where you can get it.)

Wodehouse: The Romance Novelist?

Everyone knows that P. G. Wodehouse is everyone's favourite author, right? At least everyone clever or important or human enough. (All you Danielle Steele fans, shame on you and you don't even count...)
Let me take a moment to swoon over the greatness of this man... Sir Plum, you have made my life so bloody enjoyable, yes you have. Here's the extent of my adoration: I almost remember the Wodehouse bio blurb (printed at the beginning of all his books) by heart.
Anyway. That's not the point.
The point is, while everyone goes on and on about Wodehouse's comic brilliance, his amazing use of the ridiculous, his all-is-well-that-we-know-will-eventually-end-well approach to writing (and rightly so), I have never really read anything substantial written about his prowess as a romance writer. A writer of awesome, simple, light-hearted and fun love stories, interwoven beautifully with his nonsense plots.
Who that has read Wodehouse cannot love the breezy, hilarious and cute-rom-com nature of his stories? There's always a likeable good-as-gold chappie, there's always a spirited, tender, fiesty ladybird, and there's' always always unbridled hilarity and whattey! dialogues between the two. Eventually, just when we, the readers, are about to fall off our chairs in anticipation of the big 'moment', the hero will clasp the heroine in an awesomely awesome embrace and say something like, "My mate!"
Hyuk hyuk.I love it. I wish love stories were like that in real life. I wish men were funny and outrageous like Psmith or Joe Vanringham. (The latter being the adorable hero from my latest Wodehouse read, 'Summer Moonshine'.)

Wodehouse's sense of a comfortable, pally love is so perfect. The jokes never stop, the ribbing and teasing are delicious, the situations are ROFL, the weather is always lovely- except when hero/heroine are love sick or depressed.

Sigh... As if real life weren't terrible enough, Sir Plummie has raised the bar on 'romance' for me. Nothing will ever quite match up. *gloom*

PS: Must read for Plummie fans: Wodehouse: A Life, by Robert McCrum

My Name Is Khan. Yes. The Fillum...

So I watched MNIK today. After various attempts by me at diverting attention from this possibility (like organising sporadic protests against SRK, recruiting goondas from a small gang called the Shiv Sena to attack theaters or, at the very least, tear up film posters), in a wonderful shock-and-awe type attack this morning, my Ma cornered me and said, "There's a show at 1:00, then 2:30 at the other cinema. I asked everybody and no one's free. Tsk. Sigh. Oh ho." *puppy face* *sad eyes* etc. And that was that.
In spite of the blatant untruth of her statement (Really, Ma? You asked everybody? IN THE WORLD????) what choice had I? The fact of the matter is that if Ma said, "Aaj tak maine tumse kuchh nahin maanga hai, par aaj mangti hoon..," she would be right.
Hmmm.
So off we went, just the two of us. To catch the 2:30 show if you must know. I cheered myself up on the way by playing songs from Ishqiya and Coke Studio. Also, I had only four asshole driver encounters on the road which was way below the Jammu average for a 7 km run. Hence, no road rage.
Film started at 2:40 p.m. We emerged from the hall at 5:20ish.
Let me cut to the chase. Here, in brief, is what stayed with me after:
1. MNIK is too long. A good half hour too long at least, and draggy and slow in places. I must have looked at my watch about 10 times in between. That is a sure sign the film isn't great shakes.
2. SRK didn't piss me off so much. That is not as much as I was expecting him to. (That annoying grin and perfunctory hamming per movie? Not there!) But still, weak research by the writers on Asperger's is quite apparent in him throughout.
3. Kajol pissed me off way more than I expected her to. *shriek!* *nasal* *artificial cute* *shriek!**Miss Snooty Know It All* *shriek!* You get the picture. Her character was lame and irritating to say the least. They didn't even try to make her likeable.
4. The story/plot gets weirder and more incredible as the movie drags on. The hurricane nonsense was epic. By the time we see a 20-something-year-old fake Obama at the end, I was ready to find leprechauns under my seat. Exactly. No relevance.
5. Songs: Meh. You must be kidding. Nothing to write anywhere about.
6. The Mussalman thing: Surprise, surprise! I liked how it was done. For once, a little realism in the depiction of Muslims on screen. [Erm. Except for the gold ring that SRK's character always wears... Maybe no one else noticed it, but to a Muslim (and he's quite devout in the fillum, spouting Hadith and whatnot) it's quite obvious.]
I liked the simple fact that the hijabi women were shown as they would be dressed in the States. Sonya Jehan is especially easy on the eyes. I liked that they show she wants to wear the hijab, not that she's oppressed or browbeaten into wearing it.
No nonsense misquoting or outright mockery of Islamic rituals. Just a quiet periodic reinstating of the fact that the protagonist is an Urdu-speaking Muslim brought up like most regular Urdu-speaking Muslims and you know, some habits stick with us. We all know Surahs, a little hadith, stories of the prohets, simple prayers and whatnot. We say salaam alaikum, khuda haafiz, inshaAllah all the time. It's part of our daily lives.
Don't know how it goes down with non-Muslims. You think it's too much? Let me know, please. This could be interesting.
7. Waste/Annoying characters: Quite a few, as in all KJo films.
8. The kid who played Sameer [boy, this name is getting famous] did good.
9. The background score: First let me make it very clear that I cry easily at the movies. And so, yes, I cried a lot, okay? And not because of exceptional acting or beautiful emoting or brilliant dialogues or anything. Oh, no. It was the damn soaring music swells and crescendos! I'm telling you. Give me tragic music in scenes involving mothers and kids and nine times out of ten I'll cry, whether it's actually worth it or not. Mother-child relationships shown in extreme close up is the key to waterworks. And this movie didn't even have great mother-child scenes. WTF!!! Oh, that reminds me: that SRK's ma lady- she did good too, for the few minutes she was on screen.
9. SRK-Kajol chemistry? FAIL. What chemistry? Damp as a damp squib. These two can look good together admittedly, but in MNIK? Ha ha. Nothing doing. Yes, so SRK has Asperger's and can't do emotions, but then his character is more emotive than Kajol's so what's that all about? Her role is so badly written. *rolls eyes* Seriously, much more could have been done with their relationship which, in the film, was about as exciting as lukewarm tea.
10. FTW moments: Barkha Dutt cameo (!!!), policeman doing the 'I'm watching you' fingers-to-eyes thingy (!!!!), open house terrorist recruitment in posh mosque (heheheh, this took the cake), the whole Georgia episode, the 'perfect murder' of Sameer - until emotions get the better of kid next door and he spills the beans etc etc vageira vageira vageira. So many of these gems in all KJo movies.

TO SUM UP:
The movie, through all the nonsense and ridiculousness of the plot, manages to put its point across clearly I think: That police departments in the US are not big on sensitivity training. Ha ha. I jest.
No, MNIK wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be, which speaks volumes about the power of low expectations. For once I didn't feel like hitting out at a director because he made Muslims look like jerks or apologetic or defensive about everything. Also, for once I didn't feel like hitting SRK on the head. With a blunt object. Repeatedly.

And yes, in fact there ARE only two kind of peeps in the world: good and bad. It's that simple.

(I would like to mention that I do have this terrible headache ever since getting back from the cinema. And that doesn't happen when I like a fillum.)

Acting: Kajol- go back into retirement and stay there please; SRK, Jimmy Shergill, Sonya Jehan - good enough; kid Sameer, Ma - v. good; others - who cares
Story/Screenplay/Dialogues/Plot: Starts off okay and spirals down quickly into utter rubbish.
Music: Mehhhh.
Background score: Exploitative and over the top. Damn you.
Camera work: Pretty as usual
Mussalman angle: Musslamans like me get it and are not offended by it. The question is, when SRK chucks stones at evil doctor in mosque and says, "Shaitan!", will anyone else get it? :) [Refer 'stoning the devil' ritual performed during the Hajj.]

PostScript: Movie experience made more unenjoyable by random cell phones going off around me, random people answering these cell phones and then proceeding to have conversations on them, a group of young jerks cackling every time a black person came on screen, making loud remarks during quiet scenes (one girl in particular annoying me to extremes) and general rude behaviour of the common man in cinema. Thooo!

PPS: Hilarious and brilliant MNIK reviews by The Vigil Idiot and Fake Bal Thakre. Go to!
Here's The Great Bong with his 'Making Of' version.
And here's an interesting article by Mariana Pinto, whose son actually has Asperger's.

Great Bong Book Giveaway!

Book Kumpteeshun, more like.
All of you should know that the Great Bong is none other than a chappie called Arnab...Ray.
(Got worried for a bit? You thought it was Arnab Goswami, no? No.) It is Arnab Ray who is a writer of funny things.
Here's how you can participate in the contest. Go to the competition page on GreatBong's website where you will find that you can win a copy of his (yes, his very own!) debut writing treat, known as May I Hebb Your Attention Pliss!
------------------

The rules (more details on the contest page):

1. On your blog, provide a link to: http://greatbong.net/book

2. Go to the comment-space of this post and post your blog’s link so the Great Bong can go and read it.

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I'm tagging: Basically Blah, IyerMatter, Good Gawde, 8ate, and Simply61 to take part and spread the words.

Here are my Top 10 Hindi fillum lines, in no particular order of awesomeness.

1. -Neeche aaja, betiiiii!
-Oopar aaja, motiiii! From 'Seeta Aur Geeta'. [Hema Malini, I love you.]

2. Yeh Teja Teja kya hai, yeh Teja Teja? - From Andaaz Apna Apna [ROFL! Crime Master Gogo]

3. Ab... goli kha. *dhishkyaaooon!* - Sholay, Gabbar Singh [No explanation needed]

4. Anand marta nahin. Anand marte nahin... - Anand [*sniffle* What. A. Fillum.]

5. Bhole, maana ladki romantic aur forward hai, par hai to khandani. - Padosan. [Yaahahaahah! Kishore Da, you are something else.]

6. Aap mere liye jagi? Aap mere liye jagi kyun? - Hum Aapke Hain Kaun [Many more cringe-inducing dialogues in this classic from beginning to end]

7. Maine cheerharan ka idea drop kar diya hai. - Naseeruddin Shah in Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro [Epic film, epic scene]

8. Aap police officer? Haaaaaahaha! Aap police officer nahin, foolish officer! EEESHHHH! - Golmaal [The whole movie is brilliant like this. Utpal Dutt, Amol Palekar awesomeness]

9. Daaga! Teja! Yeh karoron rupiya doosri tabaahiyon aur barbaadiyon ke kaamon mein lagaate raho. - Mr India [You HAVE to admire Mogambo's simple work ethic.]

10. Voh mein mast tel mein fry karke khaa gaya. - Hera Pheri [Babu Bhai and Chaman Jheengawala - How can you go wrong?]

So many other jewels to pass up on: Chupke Chupke, Chaalbaaz, Lamhe (Pallo!), Angoor etc.

Operation 'Relocate Ram'

That's 'ram' as in rhymes with Sam, not Ram of Ramayana fame.

Here's what ensued, in chronologically arranged pics :

Confused? Flabbergasted? Can't believe your eyes? Ha ha. Allow me to explain:
1. Latta poses with Ram #1, a ram.
2. Basheer and Bagh Singh position themselves good-naturedly on wall separating our lawn from neighbours'. They are going to 'receive and deposit' the package, viz. a ram.
3. Latta hoists Ram #1 onto shoulder in one fluid motion and prepares to hand him over to the Wall People.
4. Package (ram) is secured and comforted by Wall-Peeps. "This too shall pass," they say.

In the next unphotographed sequence, Latta jumps over in to the adjoining lawn, and receives Ram #1 in similar fluid motion as while giving. Ram #1 is let loose to eat, sleep and swing as desired unto the end of his days....

Same sequence of events follows for Ram #2, who unfortunately did not receive any footage.

Please note that none of the animals used in this stunt were injured in any way, nor were they photographed without permission. They were embarrassed, yes; they were shown dramatically what the phrase, "There's always a first time" meant; they were thoroughly nonplussed by all the hoisting-gitching.
But were they hurt, injured, put through agony and such? No. We village peeps like animals, you see. Pre- and/or post-humously.

Here's the back story.
We had brought home a couple of rams prior to Eid. They were supposed to graze and live the last few days of their lives happily munching on neighbour's grassy lawn and flowers. Said lawn even had an awning-ed wrought iron garden swing, of the kind seen in romantic Hindi fillum scenes (or at least appearing in b/g in all the rich peeps' houses). Something like this.So anyway. If the rams were in any doubt they were going to live the high life (before they were eventually brought to their heroic end as juicy kebabs-see end of post), the swing should have settled the matter.
[To pre-empt you asking, "Hey! Why should the rams feed off your neighbours' lawn and not yours?!!! WTF?", let me add that our neighbours had long months past quit Jammu and moved to Delhi, entrusting to us their gate and house keys in exchange for a solemn oath of protecting it against intruders, burglars, trespassers and natural disasters. We promised confidently on all points save the last, and they, looking at the thing reasonably, understood.
Gate keys being in our possession, we were eyewitness to the miraculously lush growth of grass and the proliferation of wild flowers in their lawn like a NatGeo documentary on the monsoons. In the absence of hours of daily gardening, Jammu lawns tend to outdo themselves and aim for jungle-like hauteur. Such was the case with this lawn. It was tooooo much. The flora had to be restricted. Enter: fauna, viz. the rams.]

Now. Herein lay the problem. Neighbour's gate keys had gone on a tour of the city in the left front pocket of our houseboy, who wasn't going to be back for a while. The rams had arrived and were anxious to get started. They smelt the berserk grass. They smelt the wildly insane flowers. The saw the huge padlock on the gate. They noticed the high wall separating our property from the neighbours'. They bleated something derisive about the "Good fences make good neighbours" ideology. In short, it was a tragic scene.
Suddenly, the indefatigable practical good sense that lies in all sons of the soil came to the fore in the person of my father, and his right and left hand men, the good lads of Breswana. These were farmer-folk, animal peeps, and more importantly, physically strong lads.

POST-SCRIPT:
Had barbecue party a few days later on Eid. Fun. Also, delicious.


Wasn't this story interesting? Please write in to twitter.com/@BDutt with what you think.

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Should politicians be allowed to wear pink chaddis in the presence of Shah Rukh Khan?
SMS 'Yes' or 'No' to 66673673


That's all folks.

The Hate Brigade

"Don't you just love it when 'Anonymous' comes into your life and pees in a corner of the room?"
This is something I happened to ask Good Gawde after a nonsense person left a rude comment on one of his posts. What is up with that? It was a charming post, I thought personally. Amusing, sarky, serious and informative in the right proportions. *applause*

Once upon a time I posted a harmless home video of the tragicomic reaction of my family minutes after Pak's 'Misbah 5 Runs' loss to India at the first T20 World Cup, on YouTube. Shockingly got lots of hits and even more shockingly started a war of words (and not very kind words) on the India-Pakistan-Kashmir situation. I tried replying reasonably for a longish time and deleted most of the obscene stuff coming in. So many kind suggestions from Indians for me and all bloody Kashmiris to go 'back' to Pakistan (obviously on foot, and not in the sense that Kashmir should go to Pakistan), Pakistani friends effing and $%#%#-ing Indian counterparts in equal measure, religious extemporising, Islam-Terror-Jihad allusions etc. Lots and lots of pleasant stuff like that. Then, wonder of wonders, one day I found the 'Disable Comments' option and life was so much simpler after!

I can understand not liking something someone has written or an opinion expressed, but wherefore the rudeness and getting personal and juvenile arguments that follow? Take any YouTube video and chances are you'll spot some loser saying something really nasty in the comments. Here's what amazes me: What a shit load of time people must have to post comments on random sites and pick fights with strangers who then also get involved with their hearts and souls. Entertaining actually if it wasn't so annoying.
I hate rude people. Just saying.

Webcomic kumpteeshun!

Okay. So, flyyoufools who is actually one Saad Akhtar, has put up a comic contest sponsored by Bindass. Details here.
To quote him:
"It’s time for another one of those “Caption the comic” contest things. Except this time winners get actual stuff, instead of a cheap printout of their comic and some chocolates.The deadline is 5th January, so plenty of time. You can send as many entries as you want."

Go to link for details and sending in your entries. Only 30 in so far is what the latest update is, as of right now, 30 December, 2009, 2317 hrs.


Fly You Fools - Indian Comics about Life.

Kalimpong Calling....

Spoke with 'My Lovely Bones' after ever so long today. Heart-warming-cockles and whatnot. And, and, and....!

Bones tells me about her family's wonderful guest retreat in Kalimpong, and it sounds and looks delicious. 'WindSongs' is the name, and from what we know of Kalimpong, and what I know of Bones and her family, this is definitely one place I'm headed for soon. So here I am shamelssly passing on inside info.

A little bit about WindSongs, from their website:

"WindSongs is a luxury retreat located in the picturesque town of Kalimpong in the sub - Himalayan region of Darjeeling- a place which even the residents of the surrounding towns of Darjeeling & Sikkim envyingly call Heaven. With our eastern belief in reincarnation, we often tell our friends that as residents of Kalimpong, we must have done a lot of good in our earlier life to have been re-born here."

Pics here: http://www.windsongskalimpong.com/accommodation.html#

Let's go, let's go!

Sunitha Krishnan: Anti-trafficking Crusader

Here's Sunitha Krishnan, a gutsy, straight-talking, inspiring lady, with something worth listening to. The horrors of sexual trafficking, especially young children, and the social stigmas attached to it. Stigma for the victims sadly.