Sunday, December 05, 2004

the lord of many rings

so anyways, how did i forget to mention that a hair-raising and exciting beyond words incident of the recent past?
the date was the 24th of nov, 2004. circa 1900hrs, IST.

saba was in the middle of cousins wedding... cousin had called home a beautician.. very ugly looking, and when i say ugly i mean evil, sinister and a no-good-types.

as i ran my vibescan over her anatomy, i got a strong: BEWARE! flashcard in neon and udder like colours.

the lady [naw, not lady, grotesquette actually] took her time about doing my cousin up, with hot wax and various chemical things happening to her. then was my time, with much more hot wax.. and then i asked her to leave casually, which she did in grand spirits..

a new hairless saba starts getting ready for the gaana-bajaana at cousins place.
saba wears saucy new wedding party outfit, saba combs-brushes hair, swoons in some perfume and as a finishing touch, heads for her rings... ooh, lookee at that, isnt this strange, my ring holder is upturned, various rings strewn across my drawer..
search search, all gold and silver rings intact.. search gets more frantic, panic levels start upping, dismay and horror make an appearance.. the saab realises her diamond ring, her engagement-nikaah ring is missing. is stolen.. nooooooooooo!!!! who gave a damn about the other small fry.... my ring!
next thought: bloody b#$$@@#!! it was her i tell u. it was the grotesquette....

ceratainty causes dismay and other useless emotions to run into wrath... hell hath no fury like a woman wronged, and by another woman to boot...

quick calls made to 3 of our SP relatives... immediate swinging into action.. the pater, the uncle, the cousin bro and a mother reach the accused's house [how we found that out dont ask] with police peoples.. police heads in alone. basic interrogations.. the witch bitch ugly-beautician confidently refuses.. the police dude searches her house. then grabs her handbag... feels along the inner lining after emptying out an innocent beauticians handbag.. finds an ingenious lump.
sewed into the inner lining and hidden among cotton balls, is my... RING!!!!!!
witch bitch gets cocky, starts a rude barrage.. police uncle man slaps her hard and fast. my mater faints... and amidst all the hulla ballooo, our whole family waits on tenterhooks at home for latest updates from the crime scene.

a moblie phone in each hand at either end helps. a celebratory call made.. joy and shouting at both ends.. forget the wedding, a new joy is at hand!!
the accused and guilty grotesquette, taken along with police peoples to jails. on the way to the car, she threatens my ma. says: yeh tumne acha nahin kiya, mein dekh loongi!!!! gawd.
police escort her to her new temp abode..the clinker. probably beaten up all night. by morning, she has revealed a lot more than she was letting out the previous night.
so much for bravado.

and thats my story..
a short epilogue..
the police, very proud of themselves, as they should be, print the whole escapade in many dailies the next morning.. pa and i are famous, celebrities of a small town.
[go to state, scroll down a bit and see the beauty!]

downside: the indian legal system shows its true and ugly side.. turns out, now we have to run to the courts every so often to prove that the ring is mine!

and that's a wrap.
hope u enjvaiied the show.

1 comment:

lurchytopple said...

ohhhh my godddddd!! truly, u are a too much.